#BlogBattle – Innocent

#BlogBattle is a monthly short story challenge using a single word for inspiration. I have chosen to use this monthly challenge to help me grow as a writer. This challenge is administered by Rachel Ritchey, E. E. Rawls, and Gary Jeffries.

December word is: Innocent

Here is my entry:

Losing Youth by Gerardo Ulloa

Lance Corporal Stuart mustered all the energy he could, stumbling his way towards the building, slumping against the wall. From this vantage point, he could see the resulting chaos continuing from the spray of bullets that had finally stopped. He had seen his share of gunfire before, even losing brothers in arms as well. But it had never hit so close to home. The pain he was experiencing was all-encompassing. Moving away from ground-zero wasn’t helping him handle it any better.

Looking down, he saw his body, shaking uncontrollably, covered in a bloody camouflage that was his clothing. He closed his eyes, trying to erase the horrifying image etched upon them. Raising his trembling hands, he covered his ears, attempting to block the unwanted sounds still emanating from the street in front of him.

He felt light-headed, and yet, his brain still trying to process the situation and unmistakable repercussions that laid right in front of him. The premature loss that would ripple through the family, leaving a wound bigger than the bullet itself.

Stuart’s childhood was filled with moments and lessons not uncommon to others. Moments that changed and expanded his understanding of the world. But nothing in his past had prepared him for this latest lesson.

This was a bigger betrayal then he felt towards his parents when he found out that Santa Claus wasn’t real. Or even that first betrayal by a friend, breaking the trust within their special group and the safe place of secrets it represented.

This was more disheartening than realizing that childhood pledges of “friends forever” did not hold up through the years. Or the discovery that adults, even his parents, were not perfect and capable of making mistakes.

This was more tragic than the first major news story that caught his attention, the Haiti Earthquake, jolting his young mind as he watched its far-reaching impact play out over the next few days on the television.

This was more intense than his first broken heart. A memory that wouldn’t fade. A heartache that no other could heal. Although gone, was still shaping all his new relationships.

This was more disturbing than the self-realization of what he was capable. Intentionally inflicting pain on another person, glimpsing a darker side of himself. The start of a life-long battle between what is right and wrong. Or the first time he let someone special down. Not an adult he respected, but rather a peer whose opinion mattered more than anybody else.

This was beyond the confusing and awkward discussion of where babies truly come from and the graphic human process required. Or the actual experience of losing his virginity. Stumbling through that moment, clumsy and special, likely never forgotten.

This was sadder than realizing that dreams don’t always come true. That first time he shrugged and accepted an outcome less than he had hoped, adjusting his next expectation. Telling himself “good enough” is as good as it gets, his future taking on a different perspective.

He was more shocked then first discovering that life just isn’t fair. Protected all those early years by the love and support of his family, only to learn later that others were better at certain skills, encountering the ugliness of discrimination, or the unlucky random injustice of his poverty.

This was a bigger blow than the first time he began to hide a part of himself because he was afraid of the judgement or ridicule of others. Slowly teaching himself to tamp down his quirks and stifle his silliness, for the world was a harsh critic. Facing the fact that he wasn’t growing up to be the person he said he wanted. But even worse, he was becoming the person he said he never would.

This was more difficult than learning to accept the consequences of his own actions. But this tragedy wasn’t the result of his own actions. This was the result of somebody else willingly breaking a rule that everyone else held as being inflexible. They stopped valuing life or the rules of others. Now making up their own rules, embracing their own free will if not their consequences.

He mustered up his energy and stood back up. He slowly made his way back to the blood-soaked body laying curbside. Focusing on the face, his knees again gave way and he fell next to the little corpse, his body trembling again.

This wasn’t in the same league as losing your first family pet, or his parents’ euphemistic explanation of a big dog park in the sky. Or even the loss he again felt when he learned the actual truth of his pet’s departure.

No this was a loss of a bona fide family member, a death of a loved one. He had taken the responsibility of watching out for Finn, his youngest brother, while out for some fun this evening. He was the oldest, home for the holidays. For this short visit, he wanted to resume his duties as the big brother, the protector, the guardian of the family. Instead, he would forever know, he had failed.

This was challenging his blind faith in something bigger and greater than him. He knew that at some point, we all begin to doubt and ask questions. He had witnessed that in the field of combat and seen some of them find their way back. He now wondered if he would.

He remained slumped over the body as he relived the moments prior and during the drive-by shooting. How he wished he could get another chance to do better. But he was an adult now, fully knowing that child naivete was long gone. But not Finn. He was just four years old. His personality, thoughts, and actions were those of a fresh and youthful child.

Emotionally overwhelmed, he finally let the tears flow. Stuart picked Finn up, holding him close to his chest, just as he had done when the shots began. Squeezing him tightly, as when he discovered the irreversible fallout of the bullet already having torn thru his body and taken his life.

Stuart’s life was again sullied by the sin of a new experience. Finn was innocent, unfortunately for his family, he would remain that way forever.

---

 [GU1]